Goodbye, Beloved Shiloh

I met him 4 years ago.  He was spunky and full of life and he fiercely guarded his  property with tons of warnings barked out into the darkness of night to any would be trespassers.  And he was beautiful, with big brown eyes and lovely markings that showed off his pure bred beagle heritage.  He melted my heart with his happy personality and instant friendship.  And I loved how he enthusiastically played tug of war and how he ran. Randy insisted that no dog of his would ever be caged or tied up, so this spoiled beagle had an invisible fence around "his" one acre lot so that he could freely roam chasing dragonflies and mice. Of course he was Keith and Ashley's dog, so when Ashley moved into her own apartment, Shiloh moved with her and he relished in his new freedom to run up and down the halls and get on her furniture!  And when she moved back home, he was with us again.

 And then, Ashley headed off to the Air Force and we became Shiloh's "people" again.  We quickly made him his own facebook page, so that we could send Ashley posts from her baby Shiloh while she was away.  We even made up cute post cards to Ashley from Shiloh that were mailed to her in basic training! She was in "Wolfpack" and they were headed for "Beast Week"!

The heater in the garage had broken, and much to Shiloh's pleasure, he was upgraded to a pillow in the rear entry of our home, by the laundry room over the winter.  He was so happy to be "inside".  The rules were simple:  You can be inside, but not on the white carpet.  He was absolutely respectful of our request to keep the floors clean and he stayed on that pillow each night after we headed off to bed upstairs.  The new arrangement worked through winter, and became favorable in the dead heat of summer when most dogs appreciate air conditioning as much as any human!  Then that pillow got old and dirty and was replaced with a new one.  The new pillow was hard to walk across and posed a danger to us as we entered the home.  My strong "I don't think pets should be in the house" husband suggested that the new pillow take up a spot in the kitchen.  Suddenly Shiloh was upgraded to the entire back end of our home and a huge kitchen with great smells.  And as he moved into the home from which I run my business most days, he moved deeper into my heart.  He became my little companion in this huge house, as I spend long hours editing and retouching.  His happiness to see us each day blessed my soul, and his warm body with me on long evenings alone was comforting.  This year we had strong storms, and for the first time he was breaking the no carpet rules to come looking for us upstairs at night.  My "tough" husband was quickly suggesting that we sleep on the family room floor through the night to calm Shiloh down, and that happened a few times this spring. Somehow, he was gripping our hearts more and more with each passing day in the Woolridge house.

But then suddenly my voracious eater was turning his nose up to his kibble and had a bit of sickness.  Hmmm.  I added wet dogfood, and he was delighted......for a few weeks.  And then that lost it's appeal.  So I amped up the menu and began a chicken and rice dish each morning and slated a visit to the vet.  And we got the worst news.  A large mass was pressing on all his organs and his blood work suggested to his doctor that he was in the beginning of kidney and liver failure.  She encouraged us to act quickly to prevent our sweet friend from suffering.  Friday the 13th will never be the same for us after such harsh news on that day.  Randy called Ashley and she booked a red eye flight from out west to be by Shiloh's side as we said our good byes.  His condition deteriorated and we found ourselves sleeping on the floor downstairs again so that we could let him out every 30 minutes for his bouts of diarrhea and vomiting, and to be close to him as much as we could.  And then we made the fateful trip to OSU for our final goodbyes.  And then that little turkey decided to perk up at OSU and although he was weak, he was wagging his tail and interested in all the new sites and smells.  And he made us doubt ourselves.   We knew that his chances under the knife were poor, and that he could not continue with this mass in him; and after a long family discussion in a lovely comfort room at OSU we tearfully came to the decision that our 11 year old beagle would leave us.  Forever.  And the warm, wet river flooding my bloodshot eyes became uncontrollable.  I was not able to stay and watch them do what they were about to do to the little guy that was wagging his tail at me as I reminded him that he is the Best Beagle, Ever.  So Randy and Ashley stayed by his side while I wept in the waiting room.

 And as I sat there bawling, I told myself that life needs to CHANGE.  More time for the things and folks I love,  and less time working.  And a determination to realize that I AM WORTH EVERY PENNY that I charge for my time and work,  so that I can AFFORD to care for the ones I love.

Tonight as I type this out, the feelings are raw and it hurts each time I head for the kitchen and he's not there.  I will miss him so much,  but I am going to turn that sadness into a reminder to make the changes that need to happen for my family.  While our beloved boy sleeps in his new home that Randy lovingly dug today in our back yard,  I am grieving and promising myself to value my time and my loved ones more.

Thank you Shiloh, for your unconditional love....and for reminding us of what really matters.